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January 2004 eNewsletter

All call for Volunteers
Update on SYMC

It Takes a Village to Save a Marriage

©January 2004 Penny R. Tupy Founder and Coach ~ Save Your Marriage Central
Founding Member Coachville, International Assoc. of Coaches, Coachville R&D Team, IAC R&D Team, Volunteer Mentor Coach Marriage Builders Inc. Weekend Followup Program, eWomenNetwork

Spread the word!! Please forward this to all your married or soon to be married friends and family. Itís never too late (or too soon!) to create the marriage of your dreams.

Excerpts of this newsletter are permitted for use in other publications as long as the following information is included: ©Penny R. Tupy Save Your Marriage Central - visit us on the web at www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com.

Please note: Our subscription base has long since outgrown the confines of my yahoo mail account. The lists for sending out the eZine are cumbersome and I know from feedback I get from you that there are duplicates going out each time. My apologies for the inconvenience ñ no one understands the irritation of too many emails better than I do!

I have made some adjustments and we are researching how to export the lists from this account to something that will handle them better without having to enter each address manually - although we will do that if we need to. If anyone has suggestions or information on how to do this please (please, please, please) contact my assistant Regina at reginasymc@aol.com And once again - I apologize for filling your mailbox if you get this more than once.

Greetings!!

This comes to you with many wishes for all the best in the New Year. January is historically the month with the greatest number of divorce filings every year. With the stress and anxiety of the holidays still holding sway in our memories itís not difficult to figure out why that might be the case. At SYMC we are dedicated (rabidly, obsessively dedicated) to saving hundreds and thousands of marriages ñ one at time. And that is where our concept of the Village takes life and form.

If you have been to the site in the last couple of months, emailed me, or joined the Yahoo! Group you have no doubt seen our new slogan - It Takes A Village to Save A Marriage. But itís more that just a catchy phrase, we are dead serious about the concept ñ well, as serious as we can be considering that SYMC is one of the livliest most creative groups Iíve ever had the privilege to be part of.

So, let me introduce you to our newest members. In addition to our Board of Advisors whom you met in November, and Robin Husband our mentor in training, we have added three more mentors to our training program. They are Carol Lewis, Cathy Bruha and Joanna Bare. After months of searching and visualizing and praying for the right assistant Regina Gates joined me in early December. She is my assistant and publicist.

Now, let me tell you something about all these people. They are amazing. Amazing, incredible, dedicated, caring, generous men and women. The knowledge that they are part of SYMC keeps me inspired day in and day out. They are creative and hardworking. They challenge me and each other to grow and reach and be. They stand by each other when someone needs a shoulder or helping hand and they give insightful, inspired advice and help to the people they mentor. They are what made me see the need for a Village.

But our Village does not stop with the names of the people I know and work with daily. The Village is each and every one of us who takes a stand for marriage ñ big or little. The Village is every person who reaches out to a couple who is struggling and offers to babysit, listen, offers a book to read, or is just willing to be there when needed. The Village is every person who takes their own fear and sets it aside and confronts a friend or family member who is having an affair, involved in an addiction or doing some other damage to their marriage and family. The Village is not buying the myth that kids and adults ëget overí the trauma of divorce and who say so in the face of conventional ostrich head in the sand attitude of society. The Village is every person who refuses to go along with the seemingly easy way out and who encourages couples to stick it out through the hard times so they can make it to the other side. The Village is YOU.

And so I have a request and a challenge. SYMC is looking for volunteers. There are a couple of opportunities for anyone interested in becoming more actively involved. One of the things we are doing as part of our Village philosophy is providing email intermediaries for the betrayed partner who is separated due to infidelity and who needs to maintain no contact with the straying spouse. Training is offered at no charge. This is one area that makes a huge difference for people in pain and is fairly easy on time resources.

February is our launch date for the SYMC discussion forum board. It is currently in the- set up and play with- experimental stages. Our board will be primarily focused on infidelity and the steps needed to end the affair and heal the marriage. We will have a strong need for moderators once we get up and running. Our moderators will have considerable autonomy and the ability to make on the spot decisions about things such as deleting posts or banning trouble makers. Weíre also playing with the idea of guides and helpers who have been around the block and can give good advice to people who donít know where to turn or what to do. Weíre not sure what to call these folks yet, but they will be more than just member who know a lot ñ we want to give recognition, support and training to those who dedicate time and talent to helping others in need. Training for both those things is also provided at no charge.

I would like to challenge each and every one of you reading this to think about how you can be more active in the Village. Yes, Iím talking to you. ;) I will be hosting a teleclass to discuss volunteer opportunities and the logistics of such on Thursday January 29 at 7pm CST. The class is free. In order to participate email Regina at reginasymc@aol.com and she will send you out the number for the bridge line and some basic instructions. If you care about marriage and family you have the needed qualifications. Hope to see you there!

(If you are not familiar with the teleclass format it is quite simple. Participants dial in to the same bridge line where multiple callers can take part in the same conversation at the same time. Kind of a cross between the old fashion party line and a conference call. The only charge is your local long distance charge for the call.)

I also have a very specific and very urgent request for a volunteer in the Twin Cities metro area. If you live on the east side of the TC and are willing to give a little bit of time on a regular basis please contact me at help@saveyourmarriage.com or Regina at reginasymc@aol.com for more information.

In other news, the site expansion is in the design phase and moving along well, the Yahoo! Group continues to grow and after a brief hiatus over the holidays my daily (loose use of the word there) Musings on Marriage are back. I hope youíll stay tuned and check out both those places on the web in the next weeks.

I want to end with an excerpt from an email I got over the holidays. This is the kind of thing that keeps me going when it seems that there is no hope for a particular couple. I hope that it inspires you to reach out to those in need, you will be rewarded thousands of times over, in ways you never imagined.

All the best!
Penny

From a client who is healing and recovering and who warms my heart with her success.

ìThis morning I mentioned that there must be something to spending the 15 hours together because we feel so good after spending extra time together last week.

I don't think we would be where we are without you, Penny. Just want you to know how much you have touched our lives."

Read my daily Musings on Marriage at our Yahoo! Group
Click here to subscribe to Save-Your-Marriage-Central

Other Resources:

eNewsletters:
Oct 2002/ Honesty
Nov 2002 / Time
Dec 2002 / Compatibility
Jan 2003 / Romance
Mar 2003 / Infidelity Part I Discovery and Dynamics
Apr 2003 / Infidelity Part II Exposing, Confronting, Separating
May 2003 / Infidelity Part III Recovery
Sep 2003 / Conversation
Oct 2003 / Internal Shift
Jan 2004 / Volunteer
Feb 2004 / Infidelity Overview

Infidelity Resources:
www.symcinc.com
www.dearpeggy.com
www.marrriagebuilders.com
www.shirleyglass.com
www.sexhelp.com (Sexual addiction information)

Not Just Friends Shirley Glass 2003
Surviving An Affair Willard F. Harley Jr. PhD 1998 Revel
In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Online Compulsive Sexual Behavior Patrick Carnes et al Hazelden

If you would like one on one assistance in implementing these concepts into your marriage call me at 1.877.416.2657

Check out the Coaching Center

Be sure to visit www.symcinc.com for archived copies of the eNewsletter. Changes and additions to the site taking place as you read this!!!

Did You Know?

Infidelity affects an estimated 80% of marriages in the US?

That statistic comes from Peggy Vaughn, author of The Monogamy Myth, in 1989. I suspect that given the passage of time, those numbers are even higher today.

What that means in terms of day to day life, if you are at a gathering with 10 other couples, 8 of those will be struggling with infidelity in their marriage.

Most marriages do not end in divorce because of an affair. Rather they end in divorce when the conditions which led to the affair in the first place are not addressed.

Need Help Now?

If you are dealing with infidelity in your marriage, or if you suspect that your partner may be having an affair, I can help you find your way back to a healthy marriage. Call me at 1.877.416.2657

Free follow up phone coaching session with paid initial consult

© Penny R. Tupy, Marriage and Relationship Coach
January 2004

Your feedback always welcome and encouraged!!! Thanks for reading. PRT

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Writers!!! I am always looking for guest writers for future issues. If you have a marriage topic that you would like to write about and have considered for a future newsletter, email me at help@saveyourmarriagecentral.com to be considered.

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